Sleep. Something I have not had a great deal of lately. Many years ago I learned lots of interesting things about sleep. For instance, do you know about Circadian rhythms? It’s the internal clock you run by. Sleep at this time, be awake at that time. Everyday you wake naturally at a certain time, and everyday, certain parts of your brain shut down for rest-whether you sleep or not. But, if you don’t sleep, ever, your body will die. It needs that reset time to function. When you are tired you begin to get cranky, or clumsy or just plain horrible to be around. Your body needs sleep.
Since my job, often, requires me to forgo sleep, I went through the process of creating a luxurious place to put my body when it does get to recharge. The room is fairly peaceful. It was important to create symmetry there. The bed is expensive (I found a “going-out-of-business” sale, and still spent a great deal of money). The sheets are either high thread count, or heavy weight flannel. Soft, supportive and safe. I used to love going there. Sleep and sleep and sleep. Now, I have nightmares. Images that horrify me and change from casual to – well, nightmarish – with absolutely no notice whatsoever.
Yes, I have a doctor, and a shrink. Yes, they have addressed this. I do get sleep every day now. A few weeks ago, there would be one or two nights a week where I would stay up and watch movies or surf the internet wherever my dreaming mind took me. But the quality isn’t that great, and the nightmares still come. Sometimes the images are dim and the volume is LOUD. I wake up thinking I’ve been to an Ozzy concert, my ears ringing and my head a little light. Comfy haven or not, my bed can’t cure insomnia.
You know you spend a third of your life there, asleep. I may have spent much less than that. Between the job and now, I may have only spent about a fourth of my life there. I nap, and I sleep when I can, for as long as I can. But there is this scary thing in there, and sometimes it feels like it wants to eat me, like a Stephen King monster. Something as mundane as sleep can kill you if you don’t do it enough, but if you go to sleep, something with long dark shiny fingers, and not quite human fingernails will start to reach for you, in the dark. The only thing that can save you- and eider down silk comforter.